On the other side of the homeschooling issue, and on the other side of my home state (he likely would recognize the landscape in my header!), Serial Youth Pastor has an entry prompted by a discussion of LB 1141, the anti-homeschool bill proposed in our legislature. Before listing his reasons against homeschooling, however, Serial Youth Pastor makes an important point.

The problem I have with it [the bill] is at what point does the state government have the right to tell a parent how to raise their children.

I have a great deal of respect for anyone who is willing to disagree with a practice but at the same time recognize that it is not necessarily desirable to have the state regulate it.

After some assurances that there are families out there that do an excellent job homeschooling, even if they are the exception to the norm, he finally lays out four objections to homeschooling…well, really three objections and one situation in which he would find the option viable: in the event of bullying unchecked by the school.

Ironically, according to US Department of Education statistics, that caveat he offers is a highly motivating factor for many homeschool families. In a 2003 study, the most frequently cited reason for homeschooling was concern for the physical environment of other schools, including bullying, peer pressure and drugs.

85% cited this concern as a reason for homeschooling and 31.2% cited it as their most important reason for homeschooling, above even religious reasons and academic concerns. Most people homeschool because they fear for the physical safety of their children. This is an important fact to remember as we look at the main objection which deals with the whole socialization question. Specifically, he states:

Social skills usually aren’t great – again this is the norm and NOT the exception. I have witnessed this more times than I can count.

I have a number of objections to this statement.

1. It is based purely on anecdotal evidence.

While anecdotal evidence speaks loudly to us, it fails to satisfy any objective measure and certainly should not be used to direct policy. I could as easily condemn the entire public school system based on the youth I meet at the library right after school lets out in the afternoon. After all, almost all of my interactions with public schooled youth over the last six months have been negative. They are loud, obnoxious, disrespectful, engage in rather lewd acts in public (and no, I’m not that prudish) and use profanity continually. I have witnessed it more times than I can count…or at least care to record.

For his assessment to take on any kind of validity, we would need a blind study. He would have to rate a number of young people on their social skills without knowing whether or not they were homeschooled. Then we might have some measure of whether or not the homeschooled children he happens to know were indeed any more socially inept than your average child. Indeed, such studies have been performed. And while the sample sizes are small they have interesting findings. From summaries at Learning in Freedom:

Shyers found no significant difference between his two groups in scores on the Children’s Assertive Behavior Scale. But direct observation by trained observers, using a “blind” procedure, found that home-schooled children had significantly fewer problem behaviors, as measured by the Child Observation Checklist’s Direct Observation Form, than traditionally schooled children when playing in mixed groups of children from both kinds of schooling backgrounds.

And

Smedley compared twenty home-schooled children to thirteen public school children, matching the children as best he could by relevant demographic characteristics. His study used the Vineland Adaptive Behavior Scales, which evaluate communication skills, socialization, and daily living skills. Smedley found that the home-schooled children were more mature according to the scoring rubrics of the Vineland scales, scoring in the 84th percentile, while the public school children scored in the 27th percentile.

2. Stereotypes play heavily into our perceptions.

Once we have a stereotype of a certain group, a curious thing happens. It continually reinforces itself. It even has a name: schema theory. Once you have established the schema, ie., “homeschoolers lack social skills” every time you see a a child do something awkward who happens to be homeschooled, you connect the two. Even when you very well may not even notice the behavior in another child. Our brain actually seeks out information which reinforces its schema, selectively ignoring everything else. It takes a great deal of new information to force someone to establish new schema, a process often resulting in cognitive dissonance.

3. What is “normal?”

One person will accept a handshake and cordial greeting from a child and think positively of it. Another will think it an awkward thing for a child to do. Smedley’s research indicates that public schooled students tend to become socialized “horizontally,” into conformity with their peer groups whereas homeschooled students tend to become socialized “vertically,” into conformity with adult roles and responsibility. Homeschoolers tend to point to this as a positive, but not everyone sees it this way. Time Magazine had an interesting article citing Shyer’s research in which it states,

In short, they behaved like miniature adults. Which is great, unless you believe that kids should be kids before they are adults. Time

Many people are biased against children who show maturity. After all, in our culture, even adults are expected to act like juveniles.

4. And what if it is true?

What if the homeschooled children he has met do lack social skills? I am not going to pretend that homeschooled children are all wonderful, caring little cherubs who instantly make friends in any environment. In the homeschool groups I have been involved in, there are always “those kids” who look as if they have been homeschooled from a mile away. They stand out. They are awkward. They are a little “nerdy.” And they exist in public school too. “Digger,” “Dictionary,” “Geezer” and countless others attended my school. In school, however, they do not stand out so well. They blend into the background, dodging the social atmosphere and becoming ciphers…almost invisible.

In my homeschool groups, however, this is not the case. “They” do not seem to know any better and go on playing with the other children in their awkward way, not noticing their difference. And the other homeschooled kids seem to accept them. I wouldn’t say that they are the first picked for games or particularly sought out for companionship. But I have never heard any whining or sneering…nor seen any rolling of eyes…when these children are placed with them for any given activity.

That is, of course, anecdotal evidence as well. But an interesting comparison, at least in my mind.

5. Back to that caveat…

Many homeschoolers do begin homeschooling after some conflict in the public schools. Families who never considered this educational option find themselves faced with a difficult decision when they are confronted with their own child suffering as a victim of playground bullying, relational aggression or whatever term the psychological and sometimes even physical abuse meted out against those who do not “fit in.”

So yeah. A lot of homeschooled kids do likely struggle a little in their relationships. This particular hypothetical group I have not met personally (at least knowingly), but having suffered through this kind of treatment in elementary school and junior high, I know it can take awhile to get over. Sometimes they still can’t escape it.

[tags]homeschool, socialization, homeschooling[/tags]

On our recent discussion on the ever-popular topic of socialization, Stan of Winging It made an important point that can be easy to forget.

To point to the etymological origins of the word and explain why I don’t want that for my child is fine, but it doesn’t actually engage the intent, does it? Most people, when they say they are concerned about the “socialization” of children who are homeschooled, simply mean, “Will these kids learn how to get along with other people?” They worry that homeschooled kids are cloistered away from interaction with society.

As I pointed out in my response, there is a difference in what I will say in discussion and what I will say to a stranger. The grocery store checkout is not really the place for lengthy histories of American public education and the etymology of words. Some possible responses, variations of which I have actually used:

1. Socialization? What do you mean exactly? My children are involved in group activities at the Y, in church and have friends in the neighborhood, not to mention the other homeschoolers I know. There really are a lot of opportunities out there if you think about it.

2. You know, I might have worried about that more back when schools still had recess and did not assign so much homework! (To a casual acquaintance who was upset with her school for these very reasons.)

Still, if we take socialization as essentially meaning enculturation, it is an important aspect of education that should be discussed. How do we plan to teach children about their culture? Public school is not the only place to learn culture and it was not until relatively recently that it even began to undertake such a task. So how do I propose to “socialize” my children?

1. Through the family.

The family is the primary unit of society. In the family, the child learns to trust. He learns to love and be loved. He learns basic values about right and wrong in a loving environment where those in power have his best interests at heart.

2. Through the study of history.

We will study the history of our nation and the highest ideals it has produced. Were our Founders perfect and their motives ever true? Certainly not, but that does not detract from the noble ideas enshrined at our founding. My children will learn that the great men of our history were but men, prone to sin like the rest of us, but that will not take such a prevailing position in our studies as to overshadow the high ideals of liberty and self-government they birthed.

3. Through the study of literature and the arts.

Literature and art exist as a medium of communication. We will look to those Great Works which uphold the good and the true. Will we ignore all others? Certainly not, but our study will concentrate on “books that are books” as Charles Lamb describes them and not “twaddle” as Charlotte Mason describes the opposite. The same selection will exist for our study of art.

4. Through tradition and etiquette.

We will foster a general respect for tradition as a connection to the past to develop a sense of continuity among our generations. Learning the manners expected in a variety of social situations will also help our children to engage themselves in our culture productively and effectively.

5. Through the development of godly character.

Hopefully, the education our children receive both through “book learning” and the model of their parents will produce in them a genuine faith and an understanding of the Christian walk.

Although it is last, point five is the most important to our family. It is the purpose which directs the preceding points. As a Christian, I desire neither to have my children isolated from nor wholly adapted to our culture. I wish for them to engage the culture, which requires sensitivity, compassion and understanding.

The problem with “socialization” as it affects homeschoolers is not about us desiring to isolate our children or otherwise keep them “cloistered away from interaction with society.” It rests solely on who is in control of this socialization.

[tags]homeschooling, education, socialization, homeschool[/tags]

I found a new blog.  Imagine this (emphasis mine):

Having it’s origins in the 1800s and having no accidental etymological relation to “socialism” and “socialize,” my first response to the question about socialization is that I hope to God my children are never socialized!

and this:

Now, I don’t know about you, but, as I see it, my job is not to render my children fit for living in a particular social system, much less to make them consumers and clogs who keep the economy going.

Not to mention her job description as she sees it.  Then this:

(You may think that I am merely splitting hairs by making a big deal about the word choice between “socialization” and “sociability.” I maintain, however, that language and meaning matter. I hope to do my part to avoid contributing to the rape of the English language.)

All in one post.  I always enjoy finding those rare but precious few with whom I obviously share something in common.  A kindred spirit as Anne Shirley would say.  See, how many similarities can you find between her general thoughts on socialization and mine?

[tags]homeschooling, homeschool, socialization[/tags]

On a recent post on socialization, Kymberlyn of Education Junction left a thoughtful response outlining her personal concern regarding this issue.

I have posed the socialization question, but maybe my choice of words were not fitting. I do not have concerns about my children being polite or conversing with others, etc. My concern has always been about their ability to have a group of close friends….

…I know the work we are doing at home is well worth it. I just don’t ever want to see my son on the outside looking in.

“Socialization” may be the wrong word, but Kymberlyn’s concern is genuine and worthy of consideration. How important are these daily, casual interactions in the process of developing friendships?

I just don’t ever want to see my son on the outside looking in.

This sentence is actually what brought this comment into a post. Because it so clearly describes my public school experience (at least through elementary and middle school). I was on the outside looking in. I was on the periphery of social interactions. I still remember quite vividly the most devastating words spoken to my fragile psyche:

I thought I told you I would only by your friend if you didn’t talk to her anymore.

Her being me of course. I’ll spare you further details, but some of you may note that I have generally spoken positively of my own public school experience in other entries. I liked school. I did even then. But it took me until the eighth grade to stop blaming those around me for my social situation and realize that “victimhood” is a choice. And it was a choice I was making on a daily basis.

There are pros and cons to “building relationships with schoolmates on a daily basis.” To build meaningful relationships, a child does need regular interactions and shared experiences. But school is not the only context where this is possible simply because it was the norm for most of us. School can potentially be a hinderance to some who are not ready or do not yet have the skills to navigate the social situations presented at school on their own.

Social children will tend to seek out social situations and make friends wherever they go. Given a little nourishment, some of these early friendships may blossom into something quite fruitful. Other children may require a bit of prompting and may be more like me…quiet and reserved with a tendency to opt out of social situations. You will find both extremes and everything in between in public schools, in homeschools and even within a single family. Within the family, however, we have the unique ability to give each of our children the opportunities and encouragement they need to be successful in their social interactions and in their ability to develop relationships.

At least the bearer of this shirt has mastered her school’s most fundamental principle:

so·cial·izeplay_w(“S0525600″)

1. To place under government or group ownership or control.

2. To make fit for companionship with others; make sociable.

3. To convert or adapt to the needs of society.

v.intr.

To take part in social activities.

I’ll let you pick which you think is most relevant. I think the public school system has embraced all three definitions and thus has succeeded in becoming a place to take part in social activities.

Kathleen Lyon, spokesperson for the National Education Association, makes particular note of the importance of adapting children to the needs of society:

Too often missing from the debate on home schooling are the benefits that public schools provide children, advantages that most common measures of education success overlook. Educating children to live and work in a global society where they will have to interact with people from different races, economic status, backgrounds, and ethnic groups is best taught by experience. Public schools provide such experiences. Further, public schools offer students the opportunity to sharpen essential skills that are required in the job market today, such as problem solving in cooperative groups. The Homeschooling Revolution

And I must ask, too often missing? That is the only part of the debate I ever hear. At least my children’s apparent lack of opportunity at socialization seems to be the only objection anyone ever has to our educational choice.

The funny thing is, public education is not really about introducing a child to his culture and his society nor helping him adapt to it. It is about creating a new society through education. It is about desocialization.

So maybe I should go back to Sears and pick up that shirt for my daughter, after all.

Photo credit: Sears.com

Ian Lewis, UK minister for older people, has an interesting proposition for the public schools in Britain, something I think would be worthy to pursue here in the states.

‘I would like to see older people having their lunch at a local school, acting as role models and mentors for the kids, and then perhaps local families “adopting” older people to tackle the scourge of loneliness and isolation,’ he said. ‘At lunchtime in every school in the country, why couldn’t older people be sitting down with pupils and sharing lunch instead of doing it at an older person’s lunch club or at home?’ The Guardian

Rather than sitting in the institutionalized setting of the nursing home, separated from family, friends and community, they could eat lunch with the kids at school. After all, they a lot in common with children in the institutionalized setting of the public school, separated from family, friends and community. The potential benefits to both are obvious.

The elderly have the opportunity to share their values and experience with a younger generation, helping them to find purpose in their relationships. A sort of social continuity is shared, in which the elderly catch a glimpse of a future that will exist beyond them and children catch a glimpse of a past that existed before them. School children will have the opportunity to interact with people from diverse backgrounds and gain respect for the elderly. They also will have an opportunity at more individual attention, with older adults tutoring them in subjects they need assistance in.

Surrogate grandparents for children, surrogate grandchildren for the elderly. It is the next best thing to home.

The ending of the tradition of several generations of a family living near each other, and the scattering of families across the country, meant that ‘older people are living in communities without any real family networks or support’, said Lewis. ‘This would be a way of making sure that people without families could feel part of a family as well as part of a community. That can make a real difference to our sense of wellbeing, and it doesn’t happen a lot any more.’ Ibid.

Tell me again why socialization is a problem for the homeschool? Mr. Lewis is absolutely correct about the break down of the family and the need for all of us to feel a part of a family and of a community. He offers a creative solution, and I commend him for that.

But in this solution, he highlights an inherent benefit of homeschooling, which for many of us goes well beyond the curriculum we choose. It is a lifestyle, one that tends to be family-focused. It allows and even encourages parents, grandparents, neighbors and friends to each share their unique perspectives, knowledge and experiences to further the education of the child. In the ideal, the homeschooled child is integrated into his family and community, and both the child and the community benefit from the relationship.

education, elderly, socialization, homeschooling

Thank you to all who voted for Principled Discovery Academy’s tagline. How would this look painted on our homeschool wall?

The security guards are a nice touch. After all, someone has to keep these hooligans under control. Ironically, the stereotype fits in its own way. After all, if I wanted my children socialized, I’d have to send them to school. Right?

You can read the other choices here. Don’t miss the comments. There were a few worthy write-in candidates, as well!

Update: If I ever decide to add a school song, I am definitely choosing one of these!

homeschool, homeschooling, socialization, humor

While I was living in Germany, one thing really stood out to me that I have never really experienced in the United States: the sense of community. There, when someone says “drop by anytime,” they mean it and will be insulted if you never show up. Here, we make superficial invitations, accept them casually, but never would dream of actually following through. In the area where I lived, tea was served at 10, 4 and 8 and dropping in at these times was never an imposition.

I’ve been reflecting on this a lot recently, because I have been feeling painfully isolated. My husband works for the railroad, so is gone a lot. We live several hours from my family. And we really have never made any real friends since moving here. Acquaintances, yes, but no one I feel comfortable just calling out of the blue to chat with.

I’ve tried, but it really seems like I’m just in a different place than those with whom I should naturally connect. The homeschoolers in our church meet now and again, but they are looking for an evening out. That would be wonderful…but I am not going to hire a sitter just to go have a cup of coffee with the ladies from church. All of the social functions the women put together in our church presume a father who is home in the evenings. So I feel a little shut out.

And I would so desperately like for my children to really know what community means.

We have given her plenty of social opportunities. She is involved with Sparks at church and loves her karate class, where she even gets to teach the beginners once in awhile. She is a natural leader with a strong personality and this has given her a good means to develop her God-given talents. This year, she will be starting 4-H which will allow her to meet some children a little closer to home. And, of course, there are always the children in the neighborhood.

I would like to set up some volunteer work for her. There is a lot for her to learn serving others, but something seems strange about driving her into Lincoln in order to teach her some sort of lesson about Christian love. It seems so disconnected from how things are supposed to work. What I would really like is to know our neighbors well enough to teach my children about community service in our own community. I would like my daughter to learn to act when she hears that the lady down the street broke her hip rather than just say, “How awful!”

I would love for her to grow up knowing our neighbors, pulling weeds for them, walking their dogs and helping with simple chores here and there when they are out or need help for some reason. But no one is ever home. There are few things as still as a neighborhood in America during normal business hours, while “after hours” is an endless stream of rushing about to squeeze everything in.

How do you teach community when there appears to be so little community left?

This post is part of Back to Homeschool Week being hosted by I have to say…Check out some more posts on the topic by following the links she is collecting over there.

homeschooling, homeschool, community, socialization

Thank you Frank Cerabino, staff writer for the Palm Beach Post. Interesting thoughts.

This is why there is home schooling. Home schooling is a wonderful form of school choice. It allows parents lots of elbow room to create parallel universes, worlds of their own making inside the comfort of their own homes, where there never shall cross a fragment from the outside world that hasn’t been purified through the crucible of their own narrow beliefs.

It’s a safety net for the intolerant. Palm Beach Post

I actually am not on the side of Laura Lopez, the Palm Beach mother on a crusade to sanitize the school libraries in her area. Other than the fact that it is certainly within her rights as a mother of students in the system to make her opinions known. But we already know that when you drop off your children in the public system, their minds are directed by the system, not the parent.

[we] “do not have a fundamental
[due process] right generally to direct how a public school
teaches their child.”

Fields v. Palmdale School District, 9th District Court of Appeals

And that if you disagree, you can homeschool.

If parents do not like the rules imposed by those schools, they can seek redress in school boards or legislatures; they can send their children to private schools or home school them; or they can simply move.

Morse vs. Frederick, US Supreme Court

But homeschooling, even religious homeschooling, is not about creating a parallel universe, a world of our own or a place where nothing we disagree with ever crosses the vision field of our children. I’m sure there are people like that out there, just as there probably are still people out there who believe in a flat-earth.

If you think the public school is “open-minded,” try starting a campaign to have the bible used in coursework, the great classics of Christian thought treated on par with other philosophers and historians. The public school has its own worldview and it is not neutral. Christian students have had difficulties from administrators for bringing bibles, incorporating their faith into school papers, and otherwise expressing their religious beliefs in the public schools. Thankfully, the legal precedent does side with the students, but many of the schools themselves still seem to labor under the presumption that all speech but Christian speech is protected.

When a parent is concerned about what is being taught to their children or, more commonly I think, how it is being taught, they have every right to direct the education of their child.

And teaching them through my worldview, with my faith and my values is not creating a parallel universe. The essence of pluralism is diversity and mutual respect. It allows each of us to keep our own culture, our own religious beliefs, our own traditions in tact while respecting those around us.

I have no disrespect for atheists, Hindus, Muslims, etc. I have no desire to impose governmental regulations on any group for religious means. But I do think it ironic that, as a member of a group attempting to preserve a segment of that which has historically been distinctly American, I am accused of attempting to create a parallel universe. Because it doesn’t fit with the vision certain social engineers have for America.

If you agree with these social engineers, that is fine. I don’t mind what you teach your children. Just leave mine out of it.

homeschooling, education, pluralism, socialization

An editorial in the Intelligencer (out of Canada) raises up the “disadvantages” of homeschooling based on the same stereotypes we hear everywhere else. It starts out all right, but quickly moves into the common stereotypes:

A significant example is the amount of time – not to mention money – it takes to prepare and teach daily lessons and organize activities. Parents who chose to home-school would have little time to themselves and would have to pay for most of the resources needed to educate their children. It is unlikely many parents can match the resources offered by a government-funded school system.

Actually, that is an advantage. It takes less time. It takes less money.

Look at all the time children waste in public education (scroll down past the blackness). Look at the amount of money dumped into the system. Look at the reports indicating that learning is going nowhere. And how homeschools, with no federal money and spending far less time on structured learning activities beat them at their own measurements of success. As far as time to one’s self goes, that is sort of a personal matter. I don’t envy the career woman who is continually torn between job performance and the needs of her family. Where does she have time to herself?

But perhaps the greatest disadvantage is the difficulty in developing social skills.

I’ve heard that somewhere before. But what social skills are they learning?

Social skills cannot be learned merely through everyday interactions, such as trips to the mall, church, sports and clubs or visiting with neighbours. It is imperative kids learn how to have relationships with their peers – and that can rarely be accomplished in a home-schooling environment.

Really? They are learned by sitting still in a room with 25+ people who are the same age as you, where you aren’t allowed to talk and have to ask permission to go to the restroom? Many don’t even have recess anymore. Maybe schools are different now, but when I practiced my social skills in school, I got moved to another desk.

Kids need more than book smarts, they also need to learn about real life – with its perils and pitfalls – and develop the skills they need to cope with it. And those skills cannot be learned merely by enroling children in sports, church or community groups.

Ah, so social skills are learned by “real life.” What is “real life”? I can only guess that means swirlies, stolen lunch money and being called “four eyes.” Those kinds of experiences are invaluable to the development of the self-esteem of the child, his general sense of well-being and his ability to interact with his peers.

It is that lack of exposure to the real world that poses a danger for home-schooled children, particularly those who are taught by their parents right through their teen years.

It is dangerous to be safe. I bet all those popular kids in the most elite of cliques are doing horribly in their professional lives today. After all, they were never subjected to “real life”. Unfortunately, those kids who are subjected to “real life” never really grow out of it. And they suffer increased rates of depression and poor self-esteem, even as adults.

When it finally comes time for them to leave the nest to attend college or university, they may not have the necessary skills to cope with the social aspects and pressures post-secondary living entails.

Give one study that supports this oft-touted concern for the secluded, isolated homeschooler who only has church, sports, homeschool groups, the neighborhood kids and other clubs to “socialize” in. Only sitting still in a desk counts, though.

Many home-schooled youth won’t know how to handle the unexpected mixture of freedom and exposure to the parts of life they have never personally faced. Simply hearing about the dangers of life is not a substitute for reality.

Public schooled kids are doing great with the freedom they’ve been given.

What has always been forbidden or mysterious – be it alcohol, drugs or sex – can become too great of a temptation to resist for some of these home-schooled youth who may be intent on taking part in much they’d missed as quickly as possible.

What is freely available and offered under pressure can become too great of a temptation for a young person who has not yet developed the maturity to stand for values which have never been clearly taught amidst the chronic separation of parent and child beginning at six weeks of age for many of our children.

It is far better for our children to learn about the realities of life and how to cope with them while they are young. Then, when it does come time to leave the nest, they can do so with more confidence to handle what life throws their way.

Except it doesn’t seem to be working on any level. What I see in our graduates today is not confidence but apathy. When they graduate.

But don’t take my word for it. If my links above weren’t enough, The San Francisco Chronicle published a very nice article on homeschooling, with further comments by The Daily Goose and Key Words.

homeschooling home school education public school socialization