Grief

Defeat in the garden

Kneeling next to my onion patch, overwhelmed, fighting back tears, struggling to pull vineweed without pulling out the tender onions that are being strangled. Every morning I’m out here trying to rescue my onions and every morning the weeds have grown back thicker. I want to give up. But something deep inside me says this isn’t about onions or weeds.…

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Grief

A little dose of more than I can bear

Fighting, crying and me stepping away from it all for just a moment marks a difficult end to a difficult week. Or is it two? It is hard to keep track when everything seems to be falling apart and even garden weeds bring me to tears. Everything seems to be falling apart and I need to pick up the pieces.…

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Grief

How am I?

We’re coming up on six months, and time passes strangely. I no longer feel quite so strongly like I am being dragged involuntarily through time, away from the last time I held my little boy. But the days are still slow and the nights long. Except that the weeks fly by and I cannot believe we are closing in on…

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Grief

The words that were left behind ~ Words Matter

Bug sits on the porch, head in her hands, staring at the ground. “‘Unter . . .’Opper . . .” I hear her say quietly with the same sing songy lilt I used to call the dogs when we first moved out here. “‘Unter . . .’Opper . . .” The words used to fill this house. “‘Unter . .…

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Grief

Our memory quilt

Sometimes words completely fail me. Words themselves seem so inadequate to express my gratitude. To a stranger who called in the midst of the deepest of my sorrow. Who asked if she could make this for our family. I remember thinking at the time, “How did you get my number again?” And being lost in the turmoil of my emotions,…

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