family, Grief

A lullaby for the soul

Sitting in the rocking chair, holding little Asa. I trace the outline of his sleeping face, stroke his cheek and unwind from the day. A pang of sorrow for the pregnancy so recently lost and overwhelming thankfulness for the warmth of his cheek against my chest. It is good to have a few moments to reflect. To cherish what is…

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family, Grief

I had a miscarriage

A week before Christmas, we got quite the surprise. We found out we were pregnant again. It wasn’t planned. I was pretty sure little Asaroo was our last. But every life is a gift and I cherished the thought of the little surprise growing within me. We talked about our little surprise, our little secret. And the kids just thought…

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family, Grief

Milestones in life and in grief

“He’s so cute. How old is he?” “18 months. About. I think.” I hesitate, but suddenly I don’t know. It seems like he’s been 18 months forever. I make a joke. “With my oldest, I knew to the day. After seven, I know he’s one. And when he’ll be two. But I have to work out the months.” And we…

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family, humor

Making marriage work

So apparently, a reddit user recently asked what makes a successful marriage. I thought that was easy. Stubborness. It’s why every year, something takes out my garden, be it weather or weeds or my geese. Every year it is something, and yet every year I plant it again. It’s why every year I start tomatoes and peppers from seeds and…

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faith, family, holidays

The highs, lows and constancy of Christmas

And now . . . a guest post from my husband. The First Christmas My first Christmas memory comes before age six. The anticipation for myself and the other two foster children, they were to be adopted by the family, had been building for weeks. The tree was a beautiful dark green with sparkling lights, tinsel, ornaments and a sea…

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family, Grief

Nursing memories

3 AM. I sit on the corner of my bed, nursing my newborn baby boy. The moonlight reflecting off the snow casts just enough light to make out the outline of his cheek and the line of his little arm clasped tightly against his chest. I can tell his eyes are open, but all else is lost in the shadows…

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