I have always found it rather amusing that following our National Day of Thanks in which we celebrate contentment with what we already have, we turn out en masse for one of the biggest shopping days of the year.  But Happy Black Friday, anyway!

I am still comforting and consoling a sick little baby and figure most of you are out enjoying the sales or family anyway.  But if any of you are curious how Thanksgiving preparations go in a family where mom isn’t much of a cook, but rebels at the thought of store-prepared feasts, you can stop by my recounting of our adventures on my other blog.

While I am up early enough to take advantage of some early bird specials, no deal could be so good as to persuade me to wake my sleeping darlings, particularly my feverish baby who had a pretty good night.  I’m too out of the loop to know anything in the stores besides masses of people, anyway.

Anything in particular on your lists today?

Edward Winslow wrote in A Journal of the Pilgrims at Plymouth (1621):

Our harvest being gotten in, our governor sent four men on fowling, that so we might after a special manner rejoice together after we had gathered the fruit of our labors. They four in one day killed as much fowl as, with a little help beside, served the company almost a week. At which time, among other recreations, we exercised our arms, many of the Indians coming amongst us, and among the rest their greatest king Massosoit, with some ninety men, whom for three days we entertained and feasted, and they went out and killed five deer, which they brought to the plantation and bestowed upon our governor, and upon the captain, and others. And although it be not always so plentiful as it was at this time with us, yet by the goodness of God, we are so far from want that we often wish you partakers of our plenty.

By the goodness of God, we are far from want. In fact, we have never known want like that of the Pilgrims. Giving up their homeland, leaving for an unknown shore across an unfriendly sea, suffering disease and starvation to make an investment in their future. They sought a wealth few of us think on today. As the closing two verses of The Landing of the Pilgrims so eloquently say,

What sought they thus afar?
Bright jewels of the mine?
The wealth of seas, the spoils of war?–
They sought a faith’s pure shrine!

Ay, call it holy ground,
The soil where first they trod.
They have left unstained what there they found–
Freedom to worship God.

Freedom to worship God was the wealth they sought. And more than that, the freedom to educate their children. For in Holland, the Pilgrims did have freedom to worship God but they saw their children going the way of the world, adopting the Dutch culture. They wanted not only the freedom to worship God as they pleased, but to educate their children according to their conscience. It was for this they traversed a hostile sea, suffered disease and nearly starved.

It was this for which they were able to give thanks and for which I am most thankful this season.

Happy Thanksgiving!

If you post what you are thankful for this week, feel free to leave a link to share!

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A good Thanksgiving joke from two years ago.

And “An Old Fashioned Thanksgiving” by Louisa May Alcott.

I must have a guilty conscience or something.  I checked the Homeschool Blog Awards site thinking that perhaps congratulating the winners would be a nice quick post if they had been announced.  There I found out there had been some seriously suspicious looking voting.

After reading that, I instantly wanted to confess.  Confess what, I don’t know.  I voted.  My husband voted…ok, so I voted in his absence…and I let my daughter vote from the library.  And if my friends were cheating on my behalf they did a pretty lousy job of it since I came in third.

When I talked about getting ACORN involved, I was seriously just joking.  Maybe I’m just feeling guilty for telling bad jokes. 

You’d think…well, once there are prizes and competition involved, I guess you should expect that human nature would take over and mess up the whole system.  Even if there is something a tad weird about cheating in order to win a stack of Christian prizes.  But then there is that whole draw of anonymity…and a lot of us would do a lot that we wouldn’t even dare speak of if we knew there were little chance of getting caught.

I just got back from a craft fair at Olathe North High School here in Kansas.  They had a great sign hanging in the commons that I am sure reflects the kind of serious academic values every educator seeks to instill in students:

Join Powderpuff

Get out of art!

I suppose they know their audience, but is that really the kind of message you want to send students?

When someone goes into a housing development and starts randomly shooting people, my first thought isn’t “Must be because he was homeschooled.”

Johann Nel is a nineteen year old white male who walked into the Skierlik community in South Africa, killing four, including a ten year old and a two month old, and injuring several others.  He should find out his fate today (Friday).  The prosecution is saying the crime was racially motivated.

Nel had never been in a position to be exposed to other cultures, Kobus Truter [the clinical psychologist in the case] testified.

One of the reasons was because his parents, Hennie and Corrie Nel, had taken him out of mainstream school in order to home-school him.

“The idea of a rainbow nation did not exist there (in the Nels’ home) or in Swartruggens,” Truter said.  He is a sick boy (Couldn’t agree with the headline more!)

But then later we learn, from the same psychologist, it could have been anyone.  Basically, Nel was looking to randomly murder people.  Not that he wasn’t racist.  Shouting,

“Come out, you bloody kaffirs. I want to kill you today, you black bastards.”  Fear of swart gevaar drove Nel

While shooting randomly at all the people running and screaming will probably make sure any accusations that the crime was racially motivated stick, even if you were alternately contemplating stopping at an intersection or a nearby caravan park mostly populated by whites in order to go on your killing spree.

I don’t know that I agree with the prosecution’s claim that:

What makes it worse is that they were people of colour.

But clearly the guy is a little unhinged.  And his assertion that “others” are responsible for his behavior and that he shouldn’t have any consequences because he just wasn’t quite himself that day is a little unnerving.  But viewing their murders this way seems to be rather typical of mass murderers.  I wouldn’t doubt that there were some seriously disturbing things going on in that home, but who knows. Clearly, he was a very “sick boy.”

I must mention that I am very thankful that after he fired off his 125 rounds, local farmers refused to replenish his ammunition.

homeschool homeschooling Johann Nel

Or is Twitter the beast?

For those unfamiliar with Twitter, the number sign is a hash tag used to label “tweets” (mini-posts) similar to Technorati or WordPress tags in blogs.  As you can see from this chart from Twist, the topic du jour for Sunday was motrinmoms.

In fact, at 8:50 Saturday evening, there wasn’t a single mention.  But only fourteen minutes later, the true power of social networking began to show with 339 mentions of motrinmoms.

All over a Motrin ad.  By the time I saw the first message, the site was already getting overloaded and the advertisement wouldn’t play until the entire site finally went down and Motrin issued an apology.  The ads are no longer available, but A Dad First kindly provided a transcript in case you are wondering what all the fuss is about.  Update: Of course it would be on YouTube.

I’m still wondering what all the fuss is about, but for a different reason.

To start with, we have a rather large company which certainly put a lot of money and research into this ad campaign.  It most certainly was not a spontaneous lightning bolt of inspiration which struck some corporate exec on Friday night and got launched before anyone really thought about it.

They did think about it.  And I’m sure they had focus groups respond.  You know those people with clipboards who stop you in the mall to ask you a couple of questions?  I could almost guarantee they were out in force accosting young mothers at the mall and getting their feedback.  And when I saw the graphic ads and read the transcript of the video ad, I could see what they were going for: a tongue-in-cheek sort of humor that a mom could identify with immediately.  The trouble with humor, however, is that it is easy to miss the mark.  And when you miss the mark, people tend to feel like they are being mocked rather than understood.

Enter the Twitterers.  These are not random young mothers walking through the mall with their children wandering here and there while they were being asked some questions about Ibuprofen.  Instead, they are socially engaged, techically savvy, ideologically motivated mothers who have made a place for themselves on the internet discussing their parenting styles.  Women who have dedicated themselves to attachment parenting, homeschooling or both.  Women who do not take even subtle references to children as burdens lightly.

So they reacted.  Or as some claim, overreacted.

I didn’t suggest that a Twitter protest would save the world – just that outrage is manufactured and misdirected –matthewktabor of education for the aughts, a pretty good education blog, I might add.

And this is the part that intrigues me.  Did they overreact?  Have homeschoolers overreacted to the “homeschoolers are demented” comment made by some comedian on The View?

As I watched this topic trend upward until Motrin responded, my first thought was not “the power of Twitter.”  In fact, my first thought was how much money Motrin saved by the near instant feedback to their advertising campaign.  They did not have to wait until next quarter to wonder why their sales seemed to be declining and to perhaps mistakenly blame the economy.  Instant feedback, a quick and hearty response and all is forgiven with a bit of added brand recognition in the minds of consumers.

But I guess it is all in how you view Twitter and the conversations you find there.  As more and more people commented on the advertising, I did not see protesters marching in front of Motrin’s corporate headquarters.  I saw friends and acquaintances who were talking about what they had for lunch.  And then ask if I’d seen the Motrin ad.

The thing is, I wouldn’t think twice about the vast majority of the comments I have read regarding either Motrin or the demented homeschooler line if they were dropped in casual conversation.  And that is what Twitter is.  Informal, casual conversation that happens to be available for all the world to read.

homeschool motrinmoms motrin

If you are a parent, you are busy.  If you are a homeschooling parent, you are especially busy.  So it is understandable that you might not yet have had time to get down to vote.  Even I have only made it through a couple of the categories.  I’ve been busy with…well…I think this picture says it all.

Basically I’ve been busy being mom.

But there are only six blogs in the Current Events category.  And I’m even one of them, so hopefully that makes at least that one category a little easier!  Happy Voting!

There has been quite a bit of buzz recently about Nebraska’s safe haven laws, intended to give a safe place for distraught mothers to drop off their unwanted infants.  These laws are gaining in popularity as people are increasingly horrified at the occasional stories of infants left to die in dumpsters or other unseemly places, but we here in Nebraska were unique in not identifying an age-limit.

So a lot of children were dropped off who didn’t fit the “newborn” status that lawmakers had intended.  Like the nine children aged one to seventeen dropped off by a man who lost his wife a year previously.  Or even the eighteen year old who turned himself in to a hospital.  We’ve even had some come from other states to absolve themselves of their parenting duties, prompting children and family services director for Health and Human Services, Todd Landry,  to quip,

“This is not what we intended when we said we wanted to increase Nebraska tourism.” Omaha World Herald

So the governor called a special session of the legislature to try to hammer down an age-limit.  Senator Ernie Chambers apparently attempted a one-man filibuster, something he is rather notorious for around here.  And yes, that would be the Senator Chambers who sued God, a lawsuit he is apparently considering pursuing even though it was thrown out of court.

The whole situation is upsetting, but I think we may be asking the wrong questions from all sides of the debate.  Many are looking at these parents and wondering “What kind of parent…”  But I wonder why the shock and judgment is saved for those who abandon teenagers.  And as much as it pains me to think what it must be like for those children to be dropped off at an area hospital, I cannot help but wonder what life was like at home with parents who were, for whatever reason, in a situation they no longer felt they could handle.

And what might have happened if they were forced to continue without some sort of support.

Julie of Shanan Trail makes an interesting point in Why Homeschool’s comment box:

When I read the stories of these teenagers (most of whom were dropped off because of behavioral problems — I know at least one has fetal alcohol syndrome) my heart breaks. I think it is terrible for a parent to walk out on their struggling kids. But, the tale is no less sad or tragic when it happens to an infant. Because here is the truth… that infant is going to become an adult adoptee. No one should have their story be that their mother dropped them of anonymously at a hospital somewhere and walked away. And, for the mother… abandonment is a permanent solution to a problem that may well have other solutions. She may be able to parent the child herself and just need help in finding resources. She may feel she needs to place the child for adoption. When a mother places a child for adoption, she is supposed to receive counseling and support. She may opt to create an adoption plan that allows her to have continued contact with a child. For sure the adoptee will have access to more information about his or her past.

I am not sure what I think about safe haven laws in general, but I do think that we are looking at the wrong thing when we begin to focus on the age-limit.  Regardless of the age, we are talking about families in crisis that are in need of intensive support.  And safe haven laws may not work to save the babies they are directed at, anyway.

Sen. DiAnna Schimek of Lincoln cited studies in states with safe haven laws showing that, after passage of the law, as many infants have been left to die as have been left in safe havens.  Omaha World Herald

Murder cannot be prevented by simply providing “another way out.”  There have always been choices other than murder.  I doubt it can be solved by throwing more money at it, or by lessening the stigma associated with teen pregnancy as Senator Chambers desires.

I wish I had a neat little packaged answer, but I fear in this area we are going to be governed by a principle laid out pretty clearly by Senator Arnie Stuthman,

“I felt I was sacrificing, but I thought if we could save just one baby, it would be worth it,” he said. “I think people felt they did not want to see another youngster dropped off in a Dumpster.”  Ibid.

If we could save just one baby…

In exchange we leave families in crisis situations to walk away from their children without any of the underlying problems addressed.  Families which might have been preserved if our state focused on helping families identify community resources set up to provide support, counseling, respite or whatever other needs these families have.  And families which will continue to struggle because you may be able to physically walk away from your child, but the emotional and spiritual toll of such an act cannot so simply be dropped off at your local hospital.

Of the 35 children dropped off since the law was passed, not one was an infant.  But I think perhaps we prefer to simply change the law and pretend that those other families were anomalies rather than a warning of some serious social problems affecting families today.

Hat Tip: NCCPR

Nebraska safe haven law safe haven child abuse

School is well underway for most of us, and we are far enough into the year to begin feeling behind. Stressed, we begin looking over the fence at the Jones’, where the grass is always greener and the children never whine. Meeting with other homeschoolers brings a mixture of encouragement and feelings of inadequacy as we begin to second guess those plans which looked so good on paper. If this describes you, you are off to a great start! After all, there is nothing mankind desires more or works harder for than misery. A brief survey of world literature reveals our fascination with sin, danger and tragedy. If we cannot experience it personally, we do so vicariously through what have become the classics. Even the quest for happiness robs our happiness in the end as Paul Watzlawick so aptly noted in his book, Anleitung zum Unglücklichsein (Guide to Unhappiness). To help you along the way to maximizing your unhappiness, I have written the following guide. Some of these steps may come naturally to you; others may require practice. With diligence, however, anyone can achieve the unhappiness they so earnestly desire.

1. Copy the public schools.

Buy desks, set them up in neat rows facing the front of the room and invest in a pointer. Even if you have only one child, make him raise his hand to answer questions. Schedule restroom breaks. Let the clock dictate your every move. Giving a toddler a megaphone is a good stand in for a disruptive PA system.

2. Choose your curriculum based on what everyone in your homeschool group is using.

Better yet, find a stranger online and ask her. Don’t consider your temperament or your child’s interests. After all, these other people have way more experience than you. Remind yourself of that continually when things are not going well.

3. Contact every curriculum publisher.

Make sure they have your correct address and get on as many mailing lists as possible. When you first get those glossy catalogs, you will think that this is having the opposite effect than what is intended here. The texture, the smell and all the neat stuff! But then you realize just how much stuff is out there. And how much stuff you do not have. There is always one more book and one more manipulative set to squeeze out of any budget. After all, you only have one chance to educate your children properly. Never let yourself become content with what you already have.

4. Make a clear distinction between school and life.

Do not consider the educational value of trips to the zoo, visits with grandparents and vacations. The more narrowly you define education, the more likely you are to avoid spontaneous “experiences” in favor of “the book.” This also helps maximize the stress of wondering if you are doing enough.

5. Take everything personally.

Everyone has a bad day now and again. Even children. Use this to its fullest potential by taking these opportunities to question your parenting. When your child says, “This is boring,” consider it a direct reflection on your character and personality. Think what it will be like when they talk to their bosses that way. Wonder what your homeschooling friends would say. Most importantly, try to isolate where you have gone wrong as a parent and fret over the permanent damage you must have caused.

This is intended only as a cursory introduction to maintaining general unhappiness in your homeschool. There are many other proven techniques for making yourself miserable and they all progress rather naturally to making those around you unhappy as well. For those of you who are more seasoned, or have just caught on quickly to the art of creating unhappiness, please feel free to add your own suggestions. I will add links to anyone who shares a proven technique for increasing the level of unhappiness in our homes. Even if it is not specific to homeschooling.

Misery loves company.

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The Thinking Mother adds her thoughts.

Kristie shares a little more about the importance of your schedule to maintaining unhappiness.

homeschool homeschooling parenting humor

Ki o tsuke!

Calls sensei, and twenty children snap to attention, facing the front and awaiting instruction.  All but one young man:  my son.  He is standing at the end, facing the wrong direction, his gi practically falling off and swinging his belt as if it were a lasso.  There is a long pause as it becomes obvious that he neither recognizes the verbal command nor the social cues that his behavior is inappropriate.

It is difficult for me to watch.  Part of me wants to jump in and direct him, give him the extra attention he needs to be successful, or maybe just protect him from the impatient stares of the entire room.  Strange thing to protect him from, since I am clearly the only one of the two of us who has noticed.  But that is part of why we signed him up.  This class has the physical activity and physical games he loves with a little of the sitting still, standing at attention, and listening to verbal and social cues he struggles with.

Over the years my daughter has been involved, I have seen other children like him who just don’t seem to get it, and perhaps more aggravatingly don’t seem to even notice they don’t get it.  I’ve seen their enthusiasm despite regular corrections, seen their excitement as they slowly gain rank and seen their more eccentric behaviors gradually decrease as they grow and mature.

More remarkably, however, I have seen a room full of children from the age of four to sixteen who simply accept these quirky children for who they are.  The brown belts spend a little extra time helping them with their gi, tying their belt and redirecting their attention, but no one seems to actually mind the ones who don’t fit in, who make the class stand at attention while they spin in circles or who ultimately are responsible for the entire room doing push ups.

These are your dojo brothers.

Sensei emphasizes, and he doesn’t allow anything but respect.

It is an environment I felt was safe to put my son into, although I knew it would be challenging for him and those responsible for teaching him.  It is somewhat sad to say, but I have not always felt the same about our church, or his involvement with the programs he so much wants to be a part of.

Still, he is my son.  I don’t really want to sit back and watch him “grow out of it.”  I want to “fix” him, make him “normal,” help him not to experience the social stigmas he doesn’t seem to be aware of anyway.  Sometimes I even try, and we spend hours battling each other as I try to take this little square peg and force it into a little round hole and get frustrated with the little peg who somehow should respond to the hammering some other way.

I am getting better at letting him be himself.  At not being repulsed by his saliva covered hands.  At taking comments like “For him, he was good…” as a compliment worthy of praise for my young man.  At setting my expectations somewhere he can reach rather than where I think he should be.

But as I sat and watched him in karate last night, an odd thought popped into my mind…a new label for my son.

Weird, unsocialized homeschooler.

It doesn’t matter that he is only two months into kindergarten.  I see him someday as the subject of other people’s conversations and I hear all the comments I’ve read in the numerous “Yeah, but…” concerns regarding homeschooling.

I knew a homeschooled kid once.  Sure he was smart, but he just didn’t fit in.  He was weird.  He just didn’t get the social cues.

Coming from a quirky family, having not fit in especially well in school and being married to a man who most assuredly did not fit into the school enviornment, I have always wondered whether such comments say more about homeschoolers or the public/private school graduates passing judgment.

The fact is, since he is homeschooled, that will likely always be blamed for any social deficiencies which persist in him until adolescence and beyond.  It doesn’t matter that while he doesn’t seem to “get” sitting still, his sister is leading class.  It doesn’t matter that while I’m brainstorming ways to make it possible for him to participate in game time in AWANAs, my three year old is getting praise for her vocabulary, listening skills and maturity heaped upon her.  It also doesn’t matter how far he has come over the years and the fact that he has come from unmanageable to merely weird in just five years.

Society has a single standard, and since he doesn’t have any obvious and visible disabilities, I fear his “otherness” will always be blamed on his parents’ educational choices.  And that leaves us with a dilemma.  Mostly I fret alternately about how to force my little square peg into his little round hole or at what kind of damage I’m doing when I try too hard.  But I can no more make that hole square than I can the peg round.

So where does that leave us?

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And don’t forget this week’s Carnival of Homeschooling!

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