In a recent chat about our goals for homeschooling, someone mentioned they were hoping to “grow up to be like Dana.” It took me off guard, and I had an immediate desire to spill forth all my faults and shortcomings as a homeschooler. As a parent. As a wife. As a Christian. At first, my thoughts on the conversation revolved around the medium of the internet. I don’t really post my shortcomings, struggles, fears, inadequacies and conflicts on my blog or in the forums I frequent. I am more interested in the discussion than hashing out my personal life with an audience of strangers. I asked myself whether I presented an image of myself that wasn’t entirely accurate.
But then I came across a guest post by Cynthia Clack: The Godly Homeschool Family: Myth, Reality or Idol? The conversation came back to me, but in a new light. I am a Christian and my faith is very important to me. When I started homeschooling, I thought education was about sitting at a desk and listening to a teacher disseminate information. Relaxing was a long journey for me. But what do I believe homeschooling to be now, three and a half years later?
I have written a rather lengthy philosophy of education which guides my thoughts on education. But these are my thoughts on education. I don’t measure myself against this philosophy. How do I know? Because I don’t feel guilty at the end of the day for not “fostering accountability and responsibility.” I feel guilty for not living up to this standard:
- Rising before the sun.
- Hot, homemade breakfast on the set table (please note I do not even own a table to set).
- Chores done.
- School started by 7:30.
- Lessons planned to perfection. And yet somehow spontaneous as well.
- Materials always ready.
- Time not wasted.
- Long walks.
- Sewing, baking, cleaning, canning, gardening.
- Talking about everything and nothing…never arguing. Never losing my temper. Always having the right words to smooth over conflict.
- Patient, gentle, kind, meek, guiding.
- Schoolwork finished, understood and not forgotten the next day.
- And never done begrudgingly.
I do have an image of a perfect homeschooler in my mind. I catch glimpses of her at the library as she sits with her row of children, on a blog where she is talking about canning her tomatoes, in a forum where she posts her schedule. Somehow, she seems to exist because of these captured moments in other people’s lives. And she has become an idol, drawing me away from focusing on the heart of homeschooling rather than some external expectation I have created.
[tags]homeschool, homeschooling[/tags]
Welcome to Roscommon Acres, my little home in the country. I write here about life more abundantly, from the joy of a baby’s smile to the almost unbearable grief of losing a son. I am seeking beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, a garment of praise instead of the spirit of despair (Isaiah 61:3).
Just place "Tiggy" in the subject line.
Stereotypes exist in all walks of life. I’m a convert to the LDS Church and get a kick out of the “perfect” Mormon wife/mother who has to have all seven of her children sit perfectly still during church with their arms folded, hair perfect, all wearing matching home made clothing, husband a member of the Bishopric sitting on the stand and so on until I break out laughing.
We do what we can to live up to our perceived standards and let the rest fall off the table. I admire your efforts from afar and would hope anyone involved with homeschooling would consider your efforts as they educate and love their children into adults.
I started out with a stereotypical ideal in my head, because I didn’t have any knowledge or experience yet. But as I gathered momentum and confidence, my instincts kicked in and I started doing things in ways I saw would benefit *my* family.
That is why I always encourage newbies to read and gather info, but process it all through the filter of their own families’ needs and dynamic. Don’t get so caught up in someone else’s lifestyle or methods that you lose sight of your own needs and objectives.
I remember those days of lusting after a Vitamix because a woman I knew milled her own wheat and baked her own bread and juiced everything in sight…. Thank God for multivitamins and Brownberry Bread!
How did you get that smart after only homeschooling for 3 1/2 years? My son is now 12 and we’ve done it the whole way from preschool to now…and I don’t think I GOT that last sentence of yours…until 2 years ago.
I had moments of clarity, but I certainly cloud it with my own expectations of me.
I actually stopped reading a few blogs because it drew me away from my purpose, which is not to indoctrinate and play school at home.
My purpse is to be with my kids and enjoy this learning together. And the good stuff doesn’t even use books! eeek! gasp.
Emily
I am very glad that I didn’t encounter that Super Homeschool Mom stereotype until I was already homeschooling. When people make the mistake of thinking I could be one, I invite them over and let my children disabuse them of that notion.
I can honestly say I started homeschooling trying to achieve “that standard” as well.
But now, three years later, I can honestly say I’m perfectly happy if ANYTHING gets done on ANY given day!
It is the key to my sanity. At the end of the day I tally up what got accomplished, and if all kids were fed, dressed, and we maybe did a little reading and math, I call it a SUCCESS!!!!!!
Changing my attitude towards schooling helped. I was once a “classical” mom, pushing flash cards and Greek & Latin onto my KINDERGARTENER! But then, I realize it wasn’t for us, and well, we’re practically unschoolers these days. It fits us a heck of a lot better. (can I say heck?)
Merry Christmas Dana! I love your blog and the issues you always discuss. You make me think.
I am lucky that I sort of stumbled into homeschooling and didn’t have any real expectations or preconceived notions of what a good homeschooling mamma should look and act like. Sadly, the stereotypes became all too clear when they were applied TO me. That gets old fast. I’ve never met a more diverse group than the homeschooling crowd.
Dana,
For only homeschooling 3 1/2 years, you’ve done an amazing amount of thinking! I figured you were at least as “old” a homeschooler as I am (I’ve been homeschooling since my 6th-grader was 3 1/2, so going on 8 years).
You are so right about the ideal homeschooler we hold in our minds. My sister (also a homeschooling mom for many years) really helped me with this when she commented one day: “You know, I always thought other people were so much better homeschooling moms than me. I’d read about how they canned, or went on nature walks, or journaled, or had their kids involved in many sports, or read them all these great books, or made their own ______ (you fill in the blank!) – and I’d think how amazing they all were. Then it suddenly dawned on me – they don’t ALL do ALL these things! One mom cans a lot, another goes on nature walks, another reads great books, another does beautiful scrapbooks, and so on. All I have to do is what God gifted ME to do!”
And that frees us up to be what God wants us to be for our families. He gave me these kids because He knew exactly what they needed in a homeschool mom – and that was ME! And what your kids need is YOU – just the way you are – even without a table to set!
They need the way you think and the things you discuss with them – and your failings, too.
Thanks for the reminder, especially at Christmas time.
I’ve always been a bit on the independent side, reflective, and love research…so that is where all that stuff comes from. Just applying it all to homeschooling. : )
That ideal homeschooler is a difficult act to follow, especially since most of her is a figment of my own imagination!
Excellent thoughts, Dana!
I’ve been doing this for 10 years now, and I have to admit that my children were the ones who cured me of my perfectionist ways. ;o)
I’m still laughing at the idea of starting at 7:30 AM. If mine get started at 10 we’re having a good day. My only hope is that they find careers with flexible hours.
Having done this for a while, I’ve kidded that I can tell how long someone has been homeschooling by how they schedule their days. We have very rigid book-learning friends who have homeschooled a couple of years, friends who set up co-op learning groups (4-7 years), and then there are the ones who (like us) fly by the seat of their pants. You had me fooled, I figured you for the 7+ range.
I guess I’ve always felt that if I wanted to have a “school” situation, it would be better to just send them to school. Why reinvent the wheel? I wanted to do something different, and while I know we have our shortcomings, I’m happy to have time with my children and learn from them. (Oops. Was I supposed to teach them?)
Peace and Laughter,
Cristina
I feel pressure to at least put up the appearance of the “uberhomemaker” because I homeschool. I live in an area where most moms are employed full time and I feel peer pressure to “justify” my being home by doing everything myself. So while the employed moms can get away with bringing store-bought snacks to soccer games, I’m up late baking Martha Stewart-ish goodies from scratch. As if our 5 year olds care!
I would suspect that home educator that wrote about doesn’t exist. For us kids up by 8:00am, home schooling starts at 9:00am. Cold cereal for breakfast, and when does the sun come up? I’ve never seen it (just kidding, but I don’t see it often).
Hi Dana,
I can relate with this post! On my blog I post little snippets of my life, but I refrain from complaining about my family or issues that are going on. One friend of mine told me flat-out that I present a rosy picture of my life but I told her that I don’t use my blog as a forum for complaining, only a forum to share the homemaking things that I enjoy.
Really, it is hard to glimpse what a person’s life is really like unless much time is spent with them. I think it is important to realize that everyone is human. This applies to both the blogosphere and in real life with people we see all the time!
Thank you, everyone! And for the compliment, Cristina!
It is difficult sometimes to remember that all that we see in someone’s writing is what they choose to write about…what they want to share. And it is easy to see in them what we want ourselves to be like…at least for me.
I feel pressure to do things that I don’t even hold as all that important because it is somehow what a homeschooler is supposed to do or be like. But they are just my own stereotypes.
Well, I was excited to have a trackback for you, but it didn’t work. The note says this post has been pinged, and the URL is correct, so maybe you’re spam catcher is catching me now.
Here is my handmade trackback:
Supermom Exposed
Interesting…I went into my spam folder and found three trackbacks. None of them were you, though. Maybe you’ll have to link to me more until we figure out the problem. : ) Maybe everybody should…you know, just so we can figure out what is going on.
Dana,
Thanks for visiting my blog. I do appreciate what you’ve written on this post. Wish I’d come to that realization sooner.
susan